NASCAR “Fans” – Here’s Your Sign

After what I saw Saturday night, I’ve come to realize that Bill Engvall
should have been in attendance at the Pepsi 400. For those who may not beware,
Bill is a country comedian-singer who has made the phrase, "Here’s your
sign" quite popular among those who have heard his stuff. Basically, the
sign says, "I’m Stupid", thus alerting the rest of us to avoid asking
any questions of those wearing the signs. Bill should have been at the exits of
the grandstands on the back straight at Daytona Saturday night and should have
been tossing signs out left and right to those leaving the premises.

Those who have read my columns here before know that I usually take dead aim
at NASCAR (the suits) itself when I get a little hot under the collar and feel
the need to vent a little. This time, I have to stand on the side of NASCAR and
move the crosshairs to the so-called "fans" who decided they hadn’t
seen enough mayhem for one night and wanted to see the race red-flagged. I’ll
try to keep this to very small words because I’m sure most of these
"fans" wouldn’t understand the use of the college-level vocabulary
that I am capable of using.

Number one, the idiots, er … I mean "fans", whining about how
there needs to be a "rule" written that addresses the use of the red
flag at the end of races. NASCAR doesn’t even have a written rule book. Why
start now? Throwing a red flag at Daytona with only a couple of laps to go would
have been about the stupidest thing imaginable and I commend NASCAR for not
doing it. There is no telling how bad the carnage would have been if there had
been a green and white flag thrown at the same time on the restart. And before
you jump into your email program and dash off something about
green-white-checkers, don’t bother; I don’t believe in them. The cars take more
than one lap to get to speed at Daytona so the only way to protect a position is
to block like a son-of-a-gun. Jarrett needs a few lessons on how to do this
properly. The big brown truck would have helped, I’m sure.

Number two, NASCAR chose to finish the race under yellow. So I would like for
one of the "fans" from the back straight, who took part in the
"festivities", and who has more than two living brain cells still in
communication with each other, to explain to me why throwing your empty beer
bottles and chew cans at the drivers on the track is an appropriate gesture.
Explain to me why Jeremy Mayfield needed to have a bottle bounce off his hood?
Explain to me why Kyle Petty needed to be a target for missile shots of beer
bottles and cans?

Number three, one of the most unpopular decisions made at tracks over the
past few months was the banning of coolers in the stands. I didn’t care one way
or another because I never brought one. I didn’t appreciate the "fans"
that felt the need to bring a Frigidaire to the track and park it right in the
row between seats and make everyone else climb over it. Now I’m firmly in favor
of the ban. I hope every track in the country bans the coolers and sells their
overpriced beer in Styrofoam cups. Then these "fans" can toss to their
hearts content.

Number four, this kind of behavior just brings into a clearer light that
NASCAR is still a "red-neck" sport in some parts of the country.
Living in Las Vegas and getting most of my NASCAR fix from the television, I am
somewhat immune to the stupidity exhibited in the stands. But, I do like to
visit the short track on Saturday nights sometimes and for the most part it goes
fairly smoothly. But, every now and then, I get the joy of explaining to my
children why some people act the way they do and to use them as examples of how
not to be. I’m sure there were tens of thousands of fans in the stands at
Daytona, that left the race with their cushions and other articles still in
their possession, that are now getting the same pleasure of telling their kids
why some people should have a sign tattooed across their foreheads that says,
"DON’T SELL ME ANY BEER!"

I’m sure there are those that will point out that "hooliganism"
(sorry for the big word "fans") is present in all sports and in all
locales. This may be true. But, auto racing is the only sport I really follow. I
couldn’t care less about stick and ball sports and don’t spend more than a few
minutes each year watching any of them. NASCAR fans seem to take great delight
in talking about how their sport is so much different than the other sports, in
the way that fans and participants act towards each other. Saturday night proved
that our sport is no different.

Now, for those of you that didn’t take part in the littering of the race
track and abhor it just as much as I do, know that you are not the target of
this column. For the rest of you, "Here’s your sign." Wear it proudly.